Monday, November 26, 2007

Who ARE You People?

By NanceGreggs

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for accommodating religious and cultural differences, acknowledging that not everyone has exactly the same perspective on every issue, even making life a bit clearer for the common-sense-impaired.

But when it comes down to coddling the abjectly stupid, or those who seem to spend every waking hour looking for something to be offended about, I have to stand back and yell, “What the f*ck!”

Who are you people who think shopping mall Santas should refrain from saying “ho, ho, ho” because it might be construed by female passers-by as an insult to their sexual activities? Shouldn’t such people be kept out of the malls because stupidity might be contagious, and we’ve already got enough of that going around?

Who are you people who report to parents of pre-schoolers that their children’s tendency to nuzzle against your chest is a blatant sexual advance? Shouldn’t such alleged ‘adults’ be kept as far away from innocent children as possible? Just how repressed/sexually confused do you have to be before someone decides that maybe the ‘problem’ lies not with the kids, but with you?

Who are you people who think they’re being persecuted as Christians if the local department store wishes you a Happy Holiday instead of a Merry Christmas? Maybe I’m just out of the loop, but I haven’t seen any TV commercials advertising Christians v Lions events, nor read any reports about anyone being hauled off to prison in the dead of night after being rounded-up outside the local church.

Let’s get real, people. The fact that your local stores are wishing all and sundry, regardless of religion, a joyous holiday is a matter or embracing everyone, and not a personal affront to you or your beliefs.

And by the way, encouraging you to spend money you don’t have under a banner of Merry Christmas flying over a manger scene in the parking lot is not meant to keep Christ in Christmas – it’s meant to keep you shopping in their store. And as long as your credit card transaction goes through, they don’t really care if those are Christian dollars or pagan dollars making the cash register go ca-ching, ca-ching.

Who are you people who think that a group of Muslims praying in an airport terminal before take-off are obviously terrorists about to take down the flight? Did it ever occur to you that if a group of people had such plans, they wouldn’t be drawing any undue attention to themselves before boarding?

Honest to God, to Allah, to Buddha, to all that is holy, should people as dumb as you be allowed to fly without a psychiatric professional accompanying you from the terminal of departure to your final destination – and shouldn’t a straight-jacket be part of your carry-on luggage?

Who are you people who believe there’s such a thing as a Gay Agenda? Do you honestly believe that every homosexual belongs to a secret society, one that meets regularly in order to contrive ways to force you, a heterosexual, into their lifestyle?

Have you looked in the mirror lately? And if and when you did, did you actually surmise that the gay agenda will never be fully realized until a gay man or a lesbian can openly brag that they got you into bed? Think it through; you’re probably less attractive to them than the last heterosexual man/woman you took home when the bar lights flickered, someone yelled “last call”, and you didn’t want to go home alone.

Who are you people who think that Harry Potter is the gateway book to adopting witchcraft as a religious belief, or The Golden Compass should be banned from school libraries because it was written by an atheist?

No, don’t tell me – you’re probably the same people who think that the earth (despite all scientific knowledge to the contrary) is 6,000 year old, that evolution is a myth, and the concept of global warming is being promoted by corporations that own weather networks.

I rest my case – and yet, I feel compelled to ask: Have you actually read these books before deciding to condemn them? More to the point, have you ever read any book?

This is only speculation on my part, but I’m figuring you people are the same ones who actually need that warning label on the electric hairdryer that specifically states – lest there be any confusion – that it shouldn’t be operated while showering.

You’re also probably the same people who think that Support the Troops is a bumpersticker and not something that should be backed up with actual support, that freedom of religion means your religion and not anyone else’s, that flag-burning is the most pressing problem our nation currently faces, that “hot coffee” doesn’t actually mean “hot coffee”, so feel free to balance it on your lap while driving … oh, and that ”Not to be used as a step” warning at the top of a ladder is merely a suggestion, not meant to be heeded by the brain-dead who can later sue the ladder manufacturer on the basis that said warning did not contain their name specifically – therefore, how were you supposed to know they were talking to YOU!?!

I consider myself to be a reasonable person. But when I am expected to accept the asinine, incoherent ramblings of people who belong in long-term mental health care programs as part of the fabric of society who need attention, protection and validation, count me out.

In those circumstances, I can be as intolerant as the next person – who, like me, is probably sane.

Posted in full with author's permission.

Originally posted at

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