Sunday, December 16, 2007

Maybe We Just Can't Handle the Truth ...

By NanceGreggs

… even when the truth is this in-your-face obvious:

The invasion of Iraq was justified, because Saddam Hussein had WMDs. They were never found because when he heard he was about to be attacked by US forces, Saddam decided to get rid of the very weapons he could have used to defend himself and retain control of his wealth and power.

Since landing in Baghdad, our troops have continually been hailed as liberators and barraged with sweets and flowers. The liberal media has just steadfastly refused to report it.

No one from this administration ever attempted to make a connection between 9-11 and Iraq, or Al Qaeda and Saddam Hussein. The millions of people who heard such statements are all delusional, and the videotapes of those words being spoken were all tampered with after-the-fact.

On-the-ground success in Iraq is directly proportionate to the number of magnetic yellow ribbons displayed on US trucks and cars.

“Support the Troops” is a snappy slogan, and was never proffered as administration policy.

Every prediction made by PNACers like Bill Kristol came to pass exactly as foreseen. Any statements proving the contrary were simply taken out of context by the left-leaning mainstream media.

The use of torture has resulted in the thwarting of thousands of plots against our country. The fact that the administration has never released details of same is in keeping with their usual stance of downplaying their many successes in the War on Terror.

Increased prices at the pump are necessary to offset the massive losses in oil company profits that have occurred since Bush took office.

We are currently experiencing a booming economy thanks to tax-cuts for the wealthy, who have invested their money in American businesses, thereby creating the new jobs and increased wealth all Americans now enjoy.

The sub-prime mortgage crisis is a direct result of experienced, well-established financial institutions being completely duped by a scam perpetrated by naïve, inexperienced home buyers.

American children rank poorly in education as compared to children in other nations because all of the other countries’ kids are cheating on the tests.

The theory of global warming has been completely debunked by the fact that it still snows in the wintertime.

All fossils alleged to be more than 6,000 years old have been found to bear a Made by Satan to Fool You! label upon closer scrutiny – a fact which has been covered-up by scientists for the past 6,000 years.

Larry Craig and Bob Allen are not gay. They were part of a special GOP sting operation set up to snare gay cops who hide out in public bathrooms hoping to force straight Republican men to convert to the gay lifestyle.

Flooding the US market with cheap, made-in-sweatshop products is a humane way of providing employment for tens of thousands of Chinese children who would otherwise be wasting their childhood by being unemployed.

All administration staffers should be protected from having to testify under oath on the basis of executive privilege in matters where the executive branch has denied any involvement whatsoever.

There is no correlation between investigations into GOP wrongdoing and sudden resignations. Family-values Republicans only give up their positions when overwhelmed by a desire to spend more time with their loved ones.

Despite the most frequent reasons cited for the breakdown of marriages being abuse, adultery, alcohol/drug addiction, etc., most marriages actually fail because a gay couple moved into the neighborhood.

There is nothing untoward about the awarding of no-bid government contracts to companies owned by administration family members and friends. The names of those companies were randomly picked out of a hat, and any association with Bush or Cheney is merely coincidental.

Despite the very lengthy list of Republicans who have been found guilty of corruption – e.g. Duke Cunningham, Jack Abramoff, Dusty Foggo, et al – they are all innocent. They were railroaded by mean-spirited Democrats, and were forced to perjure themselves and/or admit to crimes they did not commit.

Alberto Gonzales cannot remember attending a number of meetings he was noted as being present for. But he can remember, with complete clarity, what wasn’t discussed at those same meetings.

Valerie Plame was a lowly desk-jockey at the CIA. Ironically, due to a rotating secretarial assignment pool, it was her turn to choose who to send on an all-important mission to investigate alleged purchases of yellow-cake in Niger.

George W. Bush is an intelligent, well-read, well-informed man. He only acts the buffoon to keep our nation’s enemies off-balance.

Dick Cheney hides himself in undisclosed locations in order to escape the constant intrusion of well-wishers, adoring fans, and autograph-seekers.

Jeff Gannon’s many visits to the White House were not of a personal nature. He just needed his WH press pass revalidated, which, due to the president’s busy schedule, often required waiting in line overnight.

Dana Perrino is not as dumb as she seems. If she was as dumb as she seems, a teleprompter flashing the words inhale/exhale would be clearly visible during televised briefing sessions.

Billions of dollars, millions of electronic records and communications, and countless hours of video and audio tapes have not gone missing during this administration. They are merely hiding in a corner of a dryer somewhere in a DC laundromat, under a pile of hundreds of thousands of long-lost socks.

The fact that federal spending on paper shredding has increased more than 600 percent since George W. Bush took office is merely reflective of the fact that he has received 600 percent more fan mail during his years in office than Clinton did.

Everything wrong with the country today can be directly linked to the actions of Bill Clinton, even the things that happened before he was born.

Everything right with the country today can be directly linked to the actions of Ronald Reagan, even the things that happened after he became a drooling, senile old man.

Any link between the current unprecedented national debt and control of government by the fiscally responsible Republicans has never been proven beyond a reasonable doubt in a court of law.

All Gitmo detainees are guilty of all of the crimes they have never been charged with. Republicans who have been caught red-handed with their hands in the till are innocent victims of having been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

God always intended that American corporations have unfettered access to oil – he was just so busy inventing the universe in six days, he totally forgot to put it underneath the most deserving country.

George W. Bush has staunchly adhered to the Constitution, if you include the recently-discovered footnotes that were written in crayon by an anonymous original-signer’s hand.

Laura Bush is not living in a prescription drug-induced dreamlike state – she is just permanently bedazzled by her husband’s wit, style, wisdom, and compassion for all of the people he has killed, maimed, orphaned or tortured.

Karl Rove is not attempting to rewrite history. He is simply offering an alternate theory to the concept that history should be based on things that actually happened.

Face it, we can’t handle the truth.

What is wrong with US?

Posted in full with author's permission.

Originally posted at


Shimmy said...

Laura Bush is not living in a prescription drug-induced dreamlike state – she is just permanently bedazzled by her husband’s wit, style, wisdom, and compassion for all of the people he has killed, maimed, orphaned or tortured.

It was a clear night, 8:00 p.m., on November 6, 1963. What was it like for Laura Bush to kill that guy so hard with her car that he was thrown from his small 1962 Corvair sedan and broke his neck?

Bill said...

As a former Marine, Viet Nam vet and strong opponent of the neocons and their Iraq war, I agree with just about everything on your site.

But your posting on "... Handle the Truth" had one glaring error. Dusty Foggo, former #3 at CIA, has not been convicted of anything. He has been indicted on various corruption charges, but it is far from clear that he will be convicted of any crime. This is not some open and shut case.

I think if most of your readers knew Dusty and his record they would probably find him to be an appealing, patriotic American, who has served his country well. He certainly deserves better than to be described as "found guilty of corruption", when that is untrue.