Monday, October 22, 2007

You STILL Can’t Argue With Stupid

You STILL Can’t Argue With Stupid
By Nancy Greggs

Well, I’ve said it before – and I’ll say it again. You can’t argue with Stupid. And we all know who Stupid is.

He’s posting on websites about the necessity of war from the safety of his mother’s basement. He is always in a state of furor over the fact that the other guy isn’t in Iraq fightin’ the good fight. He’d be there himself, but like his heroes, he has other priorities – like not leaving his neighborhood hockey team short a cheerleader when there’s a big game coming up next Tuesday.

He spends an inordinate amount of time hiding under his bed, because he knows those Islamofascists he’s heard about on FOX-News are undoubtedly headed to his little neck of the woods (Little Neck O’ The Woods: Population 14), to wreak their havoc right in the middle of the sidewalk sale at the local strip-mall, waving counterfeit Chick-Fil-A coupons around in an obvious attempt to undermine the American economy.

Of course, Stupid is just a product of the world in which he lives. He listens to the Professional Stupids on the radio and TV – like the right-wing pundit who thinks his job description includes outing a covert CIA agent in what passes for 'journalism' in the rag that prints his columns, or the PNACer pressing the meat with those liberal media types, explaining how things are going so swimmingly in Iraq, we might as well attack Iran while we’re on a roll. ("I'm telling you, we'll be greeted as liberators, with sweets and flowers! And THIS time, I ain't kiddin'!")

When people talk about the rights that have gone down the toilet thanks to the Bush administration, Stupid doesn’t understand what they’re talking about. “What rights? What freedoms?”

You see, Stupid doesn’t get it. He thinks habeas corpus is a hip-hop band out of Chicago, and he doesn’t listen to that crap (especially since Rush Limbaugh told him that HC once opened for the Dixie Chicks). As for having his phone tapped and his mail read, Stupid doesn’t have a problem with that – because he’s got nuthin’ to hide. Stupid doesn’t care if Agent Mike is tracking what websites he goes to (unless, of course, Agent Mike tells his mother how many times he’d logged-on to Topless Co-eds Gone Wild, in which case he might be tempted to rethink his position).

As far as Stupid is concerned, as long as he doesn’t care that his rights are being violated, that means nobody’s rights are being violated – because who’s more important than Stupid, when all is said and done?

Of course, when Bush or anyone else in his administration refuse to turn over emails, documents, etc., Stupid never makes the connection with the concept of innocent people having nuthin’ to hide. Stupid firmly believes that if George W. Bush has something to hide, it’s because Jesus specifically told him to hide it – an invocation of Savior-Client privilege, if you will.

And speaking of Jesus, there’s another topic that Stupid will tell you about at length. You see, apparently the Prince of Peace is no longer in effect, and real Christians have moved on from that ol' New Testament guy they once revered. As far as Stupid is concerned, there’s a new Jesus in town – and he’s packin’. He’s about to premiere his Second Coming with guns a’blazin’, going after homosexuals and abortionists et al. In other words, Jesus is coming back to set the record straight – having obviously forgotten to condemn gays and abortion the first time around.

Like I said, you can’t argue with Stupid, because he knows he’s right.

He knows the economy is going great, and if the hard numbers don’t mesh with that idea, it’s just because those Liberal bean-counters are trying to pull a fast one.

He knows that victory in Iraq is just around the next corner, and all those stories of death and destruction are propaganda perpetrated by a few million Iraqis who have nothing better to do but whine about the state of their country.

He knows that his job is secure, because the guy who owns the company he works for is a Bush-supporting real American, who would never relocate the plant to a cheaper labor market for the sake of a few bucks.

He knows that the troops in Iraq and Afghanistan are having the time of their lives, regardless of how long they have to stay there. He knows that those news items about returning vets getting the shaft when they need medical attention and rehab are just nonsense, because his Support the Troops party would never ignore the plight of our fightin’ men and women, any more than they would ignore the plight of little kids who don’t have any access to healthcare.

No, you can’t argue with Stupid. He’s got the whole thing sussed out, and he’s never met a fact he can’t totally ignore.

Posted in full with the author's permission.

Originally posted at

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