Monday, March 10, 2008

Why Bush NEEDS a Third Term ...

By NanceGreggs

(… or why McCain needs one – same dif.)

I hope you have all seriously considered the things that Mr. Mission Accomplished has yet to do, and the dire consequences if he is forced to leave office in January 2009 before being allowed to complete his tasks.

Here are my Top Twenty Reasons why Bush should be allowed another term to finish what he’s started:

20. We are literally minutes away from complete victory in Iraq. I know we’ve been hearing this for five years, but this time it’s really true!!!

19. Sure we have millions of Americans who are homeless, bankrupt, uninsured – but do we have enough?

18. Bush has brought the economy to the edge of the cliff – shouldn’t he be allowed to kick it completely over the side before he leaves office?

17. The end of the Bush “presidency” will lead to massive job losses in the Burnable-Bush-Effigy industry, the “Impeach Now” sign-making business, and the “Off to the Hague” T-Shirt Manufacturers Union.

16. While most Bush inner-circle cronies have made their millions, some have not yet been awarded government consultancy contracts – can’t we wait until they get their fair share?

15. A new president might not award no-bid contracts to companies like Halliburton. Just what is Dick Cheney supposed to live on should that happen? Is it really fitting that a former VP end his days subsisting on Caviar-Helper?

14. The cost of education will skyrocket due to US kids having to learn English as opposed to what’s been passed-off as English for the last seven years.

13. Comedians and monologue writers will no longer have easy access to jokes that virtually write themselves every time Bush opens his mouth.

12. There are still Iraqis who are alive – and they’re screwing up our ability to steal their oil.

11. US cities could be over-run by homeless billionaires if the tax-cuts aren’t made permanent.

10. Photographers could suffer serious injury if the carefully-staged photo-op, attended by hand-picked crowds, becomes a thing of the past.

9. Having to revert to the Constitution and the rule of law could adversely affect the livelihood of history revisionists.

8. Seeing a presidential approval rating that surpasses 20% might be too jarring a change for many citizens.

7. DC paper-shredders could find themselves on the unemployment line, along with IT workers with expertise in erasing WH emails, videotapes of interrogations, etc.

6. The great sport of waterboarding could lose its audience share.

5. Yes, we’ve pissed-off millions of people world-wide – shouldn’t we stay the course until every last person is pissed-off?

4. A new administration could decide that our vets actually deserve the very best of treatment upon their return – just where is that money supposed to come from?

3. All right, big deal, so we lost one US city due to failure to mitigate the damage caused by a natural disaster – don’t we have plenty of cities? Shouldn’t we be in a position to get rid of a few more before it’s too late?

2. Isn’t insisting on an AG who remembers stuff an affront to the memory-impaired everywhere?

And the Number One Reason for giving Bush a third term:

1. Sure, we as a nation are fucked – but shouldn’t we forge ahead until we are Unequivocally the NUMBER ONE most fucked-up nation EVER in the history of mankind?

Why should the Greatest Nation on Earth settle for being second best?


Posted in full with author's permission.

Originally posted at democraticunderground.com: http://journals.democraticunderground.com/NanceGreggs/356

1 comment:

Tor Hershman said...

You have a most wonderful satire here, Maj. Gen.

Stay on groovin' safari,
Tor